i was sailing through the desert on my new steam-powered bike
the wind was tilling out my hair that feeling boy i like 
but the cactus had some bubble-gum and he blew it on my head
then jesus came from heaven and this here is what he said:

"hey danno! get a haircut, there's crap all in your hair!
if you do not fix it now, you'll get it everywhere.
you know that junk ain't comin out with water and shampoo
so get a stupid hair cut, it's the only thing to do!"

well i didn't get that haircut thus my head was quite a mess
so i went to the white house and decided to confess
but his sandwich started slapping me and got syrup on my scalp
then jesus he came back again with words he thought could help:

"hey danno! get a haircut, there's crap all in your hair!
if you do not fix it now, you'll get it everywhere.
you know that junk ain't comin out with water and shampoo
so get a stupid hair cut, it's the only thing to do!"

i don't know why jesus wants my hair to be cut short
it's really quite bizzare of him for not being a sport
his hair is just as long as mine so why won't he behave
personally i think he might look better with a shave

well then i swam up to the moon to look down at the world
and i saw the crazy moon robot who is a pretty girl
and she got so excited and shot oil on my face
then jesus came up to the moon which is close to his own place

he said, "hey danno! get a haircut, there's crap all in your hair!
if you do not fix it now, you'll get it everywhere.
you know that junk ain't comin out with water and shampoo
so get a stupid hair cut, it's the only thing to do!"

well, i got that stupid haircut yeah because it got too gross
and jesus came around to see and said that it's the most
then i looked at him real good up close and then to my surprise
it wasn't jesus after all, but that cactus in disguise!

that stupid bastard cactus put crap all in my hair
it was all a giant plot to get it every where
and it probably would have come right out with my own magic shampoo
so now i'll grow my hair back and i'll kill that cactus, too